{"id":71493,"date":"2020-01-25T16:24:30","date_gmt":"2020-01-25T15:24:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/pointblanknews.com\/pbn\/?p=71493"},"modified":"2020-01-25T16:24:30","modified_gmt":"2020-01-25T15:24:30","slug":"i-am-the-best-president-nigeria-ever-had","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/pointblanknews.com\/pbn\/articles-opinions\/i-am-the-best-president-nigeria-ever-had\/","title":{"rendered":"I AM THE BEST PRESIDENT NIGERIA EVER HAD."},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
\n
\nBy Remi Oyeyemi<\/p>\n

“A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed
\nthat uses it.”
\n– Rabindranath Tagore<\/p>\n

I still don’t understand why it is difficult for millions of Nigerians
\nto understand this simple fact, that I am the best President Nigeria has
\never had and would ever have in a long time to come.<\/p>\n

Apart from my brother, General Sani Kano who never passed an examination
\nin his life time I am the best educated President in Nigeria’s History.
\nYet my detractors always make it look as if I am the worst, educated.<\/p>\n

Yes, let the truth be told, I don’t have any WAEC Certificate anywhere.
\nI didn’t need it. I am a Fula man. Full blooded and blue blooded. Of
\nwhat use could the Certificate have been anyway? I have achieved what
\nmillions of Nigerians would never achieve.\u00a0 I am the President now and
\nthere is nothing anyone could do about it.<\/p>\n

Moreso, at least, I am far better than Sani Kano who never had any
\nCertificate at all. In my own case, I only stopped midway through Form
\n4. Some were even suggesting that the school that cooked the fake WAEC
\nCertificate for me was not in existence when I claimed to have attended,
\nwhat is the big deal about that? Does it matter when the school was
\ncreated? Even if the school was created in 2014, of what difference is
\nit? The bottom line is to have the Certificate issued. And I got one.<\/p>\n

Hmmm, my supporters. I love them to death. They are the dumbest in the
\nworld. They are so stupid that even my own stupidity was alarmed. I am
\nglad that majority of them are as brainless as me. They have nothing in
\ntheir heads. They would defend me on anything, no matter how absurd. You
\ncouldn’t reason with them. You couldn’t present facts to them. Even many
\nBabiallahs are more reasonable than them. Yes, they are proofs that I am
\nthe best Present yet in Nigeria’s History.<\/p>\n

My supporters, even me, I am offended by their idiocy, but I still love
\nthem. This is because, if they were not idiots, I would not have been
\nable to mislead them and they would still hail me. Many of them claim to
\nhave eyes, yet I am not sure they could see all the damages I have done.
\nThis convinced me more that I am the best President.<\/p>\n

I lied to them that I would declare my assets and would make declaration
\nof assets a precondition to being in the cabinet. I did not do it. My
\nsupporters, in their usual stupid manners have manufactured excuses,
\nwhich are at best nincompoopish to defend me. At times when I read their
\ndefence of me, I am like “Wooow!!! So there are still so many who are
\nmore stupid than me in this country?”<\/p>\n

Honestly, before I became President, I had thought I was the most stupid
\nperson in this country. But now I know better. With what I have seen
\namong my hailing supporters, I could walk with my head straight and my
\nshoulder high. I could shape my arms like those of the crab and
\ngallivant around, with my chest puffed out and my gait guided
\ngratuitously. If I had any doubt before now about being the best
\nPresident, it has been erased.<\/p>\n

I told them I had 150 cows, I laughed how they all believed me hook,
\nline and sinker. I had told them over 20 years before then that I had
\nthe same number of cows. This time around when I was giving them the
\nsame number of cows, I didn’t even think about it. Well, I could not
\nhave thought about it even if I wanted to because I have no brain
\nanyway. Someone had pointed out to me that one must have a brain in
\norder to think. I didn’t think because I had no brain.<\/p>\n

My supporters, they defended the fact that the number of my cows never
\nincreased or decreased for 20 years. See how stupid my supporters are? I
\nwas very upset with them for giving the impression that there were gays
\nand lesbians among my cows! Despite my own level of stupidity, I could
\nnot imagine the level of theirs. Didn’t they know that this was not
\nacceptable to Islam and Quran? Yes, the idea of gay and lesbians are not
\nacceptable to Islam and Quran. They made me upset. But I still love them
\nfor their idiocy anyways.<\/p>\n

I told them I would fight corruption and they all began dancing and
\njumping up and down. Ha! My supporters, they licked every lie\u00a0 I flailed
\nat them. They swallowed every rubbish I threw at them. They reminded me
\nof Umaru Dikko, the man I wanted to crate from London to Lagos when I
\nwas a pupil dictator in 1984\/85, unlike now that I am a full blown
\ntyrant. Umaru had told Nigerians that until he has seen them scavenging
\nfrom refuse dumps he would not be persuaded that that there was poverty
\nin the land.<\/p>\n

My supporters were scavenging from the refuse heap of my lies like
\nhungry goats. How could they believe that someone like me who made $2.8
\nbillion disappear as an ordinary Secretary of Kerosene, would fight
\ncorruption?\u00a0 I took NGN 134 billion of Gas Fund Trust (GFT) and did what
\nI like with it without any accountability, under Sani yet they still
\nbelieved that I would fight corruption. I never thought there were worse
\ndummies than me in Nigeria until I found my supporters, Walahi
\nSumobillahi!<\/p>\n

That $2.8 billion was the first of its kind in Nigeria’s History. I laid
\nthat record. I am very proud of it. Actually, during this my second
\ncoming, I was determined to lay a new record. I did that with the help
\nof Maijibiti Barawo, the GMD of CPNN. I approved a ghost contract worth
\n$26 billion from my hotel suite in London. And trust my supporters, they
\napplauded it, defended it, praised it and shut down any critique of it.<\/p>\n

Some of my critics were upset that I detained Samson Dansaki for over 4
\nyears. I don’t understand them. This man only gave me N800 million out
\nof the 2.1 billion he took. He should have given me at least a billion
\nout of the money. I had no choice, I had to use him to fight corruption
\nthe easiest way by locking him up regardless of Court injunctions. I
\njust don’t understand why people could not understand what I am doing!<\/p>\n

Ha! my supporters, they are amazingly stupid. How could they believe the
\ndumb stories that I was poor? How in the world? I had ten Toyota Prado
\nSUVs in my entourage before I became President. I had an estate in Abuja
\nin my name rented by the United Peoples of the World. I had my children
\nin the UK going to the best schools. My son, Yunusa, rides a bike that
\ncosts meagre N58m. I have landed properties in Port – Harcourt, Kaduna
\nand Daura. Is that the life style of a poor man?<\/p>\n

When I went to pick the nomination form of my party, Congress of
\nProgressive Alliance, (CPA), I told them I borrowed the N25 million. I
\nhave never seen such a celebrated dance by idiots in my life. It was a
\nmetastasized celebration across the land. My popularity soared. I became
\na cult figure. People began to express their supports through weird
\nways. I was dumfounded. Stupefied. Bewildered. They all believed my lie
\nwhich myself could not and did not even believe. For the whole week, I
\nwas celebrating the master stroke, drinking champagne. Yes, I drank
\nchampagne as if it was going out of fashion o. No, no, no, no, don’t
\ncome with that o. Quran is not against champagne at all. Neither is
\nIslam.<\/p>\n

Since I became President, I have made my predecessor look like Anab
\nMohammed (SAW). I\u00a0 increased the cost of petrol. I increased the cost of
\nstaple foods. I increased the VAT tax. Light has become more expensive
\nand inconsistent. Everything now costs more. Lives are no longer secure.
\nKings have been kidnapped in their palaces. Emirs are attacked anyhow.
\nBoko Haram is now technically stronger. But I trust my dumb supporters,
\nthey have defended me all the way and very well too. I have absolute
\nfaith in their lunacy, in their cretinism. I could always count on their
\nderangement to come up with senseless defences of my actions.<\/p>\n

The most interesting aspect of my leadership is that I have allowed my
\nFula people to kill members of other ethnic nationalities unrestrained.
\nI didn’t have to say anything. The Police knew that they dared not
\narrest them. The Armed Forces knew they had to protect my Fula people.
\nHave you ever seen any of them arrested and or tried? Even when my Fula
\npeople claimed responsibilities for massacring others, have you seen
\nthem arrested by anyone? My people have massacred villages, murdering
\nwomen and children, destroying farms, raping women, burning down century
\nold settlements. I didn’t know it was going to be this easy.<\/p>\n

People offered no resistance that I had anticipated. They don’t want to
\ngive up their lands to my invading people and yet they are not willing,
\neven when they are able, to defend their lands. They just threw up their
\narms, helplessly, sermonizing about “unity” of Nigeria. Which “unity”?
\nThe only “unity”of Nigeria I understand is when my Fula people dominate
\nevery strata and control everything. Anything outside that does not make
\nany sense to me.<\/p>\n

I never knew Nigerians are this cowardly, Allah! Walahi! I never knew I
\ncould get away with this much. All I needed to do was to sneez by
\narresting any one vocal person and you see the rest running helter –
\nskelter, with their tails between their legs. They scurry into their
\nholes so fast that I am amused to the point all I have to do is just
\npick my rotten teeth in front of the television in Osa Rock.<\/p>\n

I think my problem right now is this Yor\u00f9b\u00e1wa people. They are trying
\nto prove stubborn and difficult. I brought RUGA, they frustrated it. Now
\nthey came up with \u00c0m\u00f2t\u00e9k\u00f9n trying to cause problems for my people’s
\nability to occupy and take over their land. But I would get them. I have
\nsome other plans up my sleeves. It is not over until it is over.<\/p>\n

Those Yor\u00f9b\u00e1wa people, I would always find traitors among them. There
\nare few black legs among them who would eat faeces for position.\u00a0 All
\nthey want is money and position. I have plenty of that to give, as long
\nas I remain in Osa Rock. Many of them are shameless. They don’t care
\nwhat happened to their people as long as they get to become Ministers or
\nanything of the sort. I would give them contracts and make them betray
\ntheir people.<\/p>\n

There is even one among them, who they call “National Leader” of
\nwhatever. Some of his people call him “strategist.” I sized him up and I
\nfound his thinking constricted. To say he is myopic is a gross
\nunderstatement. I find him very useful. He is a good tool. He wants to
\nsucceed me. I smile to myself about him in my quietude. There are many
\nof these people in my party that I had thought were smart. But they are
\nnot. They are cowards and they are very greedy.<\/p>\n

And those others from the East who call themselves Biafrans… Hmmmm!
\nThey irritate me a lot. I despise them more than I despise those sneaky
\nand stubborn Yor\u00f9b\u00e1wa people. I don’t like them at all. They thought I
\nhave dealt with them, already. They have not the slightest idea. This
\nsecond term is another term given to me by Allah. And Walahi, I swear I
\nwould use it.\u00a0 Some of them have tried to reveal my secret plan for
\nThird Term. I have denied it and I know that as usual, they believed me.<\/p>\n

One thing I have been able to confirm is that I am the most idiotic
\npolitician in Nigeria. I am so stupid that it is beyond amazement. But
\nthe seamless adulation by my ululating supporters beats me. I used to
\nthink that you get admired for being smart and intelligent. I never knew
\nI could be so much adored and worshipped for being brainless and vacuous
\nand dumb. I never knew that. It is a new revelation to me.<\/p>\n

Is there any doubt still that I am the best President in Nigeria’s
\nHistory?<\/p>\n

\u00a9Remi Oyeyemi.<\/p>\n

Sent from Yahoo Mail on Android [1]
\nSent from Yahoo Mail on Android [1]<\/p>\n

Links:
\n——
\n[1]
\nhttps:\/\/go.onelink.me\/107872968?pid=InProduct&amp;c=Global_Internal_YGrowth_AndroidEmailSig__AndroidUsers&amp;af_wl=ym&amp;af_sub1=Internal&amp;af_sub2=Global_YGrowth&amp;af_sub3=EmailSignature<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n

<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Remi Oyeyemi “A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. 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