Date Published: 10/28/09

Kiss from a Stranger By Oghene Omonisa

The kissing game is now commonplace in our society. A lover kisses his loved one goodnight. The lonely girl or woman joyfully gives her sweetheart a welcome kiss after a long trip. The officiating minister gleefully tells the groom it is time to kiss his bride to consummate their wedding. The modern act of lovemaking is incomplete without the foreplay of kissing. But what about receiving a kiss from a complete stranger? Now, that is a different cup of tea. Let me recount an incident I witnessed.

A lot of things come with not having your own car in Lagos and you ride in danfo or molue – you see the real Lagos in action. Some guy who would board a bus with an empty pocket and starts ‘ragging’ his next seat co-passenger before the conductor gets to him. Or some guy who preaches the potency of the cream or medicated soap he thrusts into your face while his heavily-infested skin obviously needs his own attention. But, other times, the most unusual happens in a bus.

So it was this particular rush hour morning in a filled bus with few sitting and some standing or hanging. A young man on tie was clearly heard telling an equally young girl sitting beside him: ‘Hello, miss, I’m happily married-o?’

There was no response from Miss.

‘My friend’, the guy rephrased, ‘I said I’m happily married-o. And you’re sitting on my lap.’

Everybody got the message and there was general laughter. Miss apologised, but there was no space to adjust. But the guy was not done yet. ‘Miss, don’t tempt me-o. Nearly half of your backside is on my lap-o?’

The conductor explained that some passengers might disembark in the next bus stop and that the gentleman should endure.

It was not long after that we heard grumbling sounds of resistance and a sudden cry of ‘Holy shit! How dare you kiss me?’

Gentleman had been forcing his tongue down the throat of Miss in the kissing act. Miss suddenly stood up in a rage and gave Gentleman a hot slap. Gentleman wanted to retaliate but was held back. He struggled with the man who was holding him back. There was commotion. Grimacing as if she wanted to vomit, a space was created for Miss – gee, she finally got a space in which to manoeuvre – as she reached for a window and spat out. She continuously cleared her throat deeply and spat endlessly.

Satisfied with clearing her throat of his nauseating(?) saliva, she stood by the window and rained insults on happily-married Gentleman, calling him a sick man, among others. And Gentleman returned her insults, calling her a whore. It was a free show that morning.

At the end of the day, I came away with one thought. Had the girl not been kissed before? And so, having obviously had kisses before, would that had been her reaction if Gentleman were to be her lover? Definitely not. But not every girl would have been so bothered by being kissed by a stranger, after all, we know of wacko females who are engaged in one-night stand, which is fast becoming a common occurrence in this clime. But, as the adjective goes, they are wacko girls.

The warmth and pleasure of kiss come with affection, genuine affection for both partners. That is why most people hold fond memories of the first kiss – some even believe it is more memorable than the first lay. But to have a total stranger kiss you is entirely a different ball game, especially for a sensitive woman, perhaps even a nightmare for the hypersensitive woman. So, if you are the adventurous type who is bold at giving warm kisses to strange women, you sure derive pleasure from it. But you just might get more than pleasure in return when you meet the hypersensitive type: an equally warm but lightning slap.