Date Published: 12/16/09

RE: Tiger Woods and His Critics By Ben Wuloo Ikari

Abidde, you're absolutely right. I think people should start understanding the media, analyze them and don't fall victim or be preyed upon by them. To add to your thoughts, the media have damaged a lot of relationships/marriages. I know they may argue that if not for the calabash oil wouldn't come to the market. Meaning, if partners didn't mess up cheating and abusing, etc. the media wouldn't get involved. Media must know that matters such as Tiger Woods' are private no matter what the statuses of those involved are. Even when people tell their friends about the problems it isn't these friends right to expose what was confided in them. Yes, they're trusted and shouldn't betray this trust! Now, if domestic violence is involved it's the law and them, if they choose to invite the authority or a neighbor happens to hit the 911 code. A relationship between two remains between two we must know. The media or any other person, group can't be a third party-family members can only advice, but not impose. Marriage vows are made between two not three.

Therefore, when relationship sores, people should be allowed to have "competent communication" to try sorting things out. This is an adaptive process that every person preparing to say "I do" must envisage. Media, individual, group or government's intrusion in husband and wife or family business in general isn't the answer. It hasn't helped anything as we can see. People still cheat and be abusive or go for the money even though these acts are wrong; even though many have gone to jail. This means society could look into other ways of resolving conflicts such as the aforementioned. There are many factors involved in family disharmony that those criticizing may not be careful to see. And we're aware none of these bad acts started in our generation. Though we wish they reduce or are completely eliminated, they will sadly be here with us for life as reality is not the same as ideal. My advice is that men especially should be empathetic toward women. Women, like children have suffered so much since remembered time; they're mostly the victims in all ramifications. On the other hand women should also be empathetic toward men as relationship isn't an empire race, but respectful, understandable, patience-driven, cooperative and support institution.

Communication, honesty and adaptation is the key and not compatibility, as the more compatible we claim to be the deeper different we become! Adaptability allows us to accommodate and convert these differences into strength and not weakness. Meanwhile, the decision to stay or leave a relationship should be exclusively for the two adults involved and not the media or counselors engineering their actions. They knew relationship of any kind or marriage isn't bread and butter alone, but with some bitter lemon and other uncomfortabilities, that could be accommodated. If the couples realize this, the media should also be aware and not to have no other advice but crucify him as in Woods' case. Yet none of the anchors, talk-show hosts, reporters (us) are infallible-we all have our dirty linens if washed in the public could be more threatening than global warming. Wood's done wrong and has acknowledged that.

Ordinarily, this is a time for him and family to work things out and possibly heal,and move on but for the unwarranted intrusion of the media. In short, with the way things are going Woods and wife may disappoint these petty critics. The fact that someone is a public figure, or celebrity, even public official doesn't mean he/she is above transgressing. We expect high standards/behavior of them, but they're also human, therefore that human space must be created. The way the media report this episode is so disgusting (as if  Woods had committed any crimes against the media) like they did with Rhianna and Chris Brown without first knowing exactly what happened, even though we all agreed what Brown did was wrong.  It's unimaginable to heard a radio station FM-104.1 East-central St. Louis or so (and presented by a female) asking her audience to call in and vote on if Woods' wife should leave him or stay. And I thought, oh, my gash, what's this people's business? Most of them don't even have a relationship, can't keep one and never been married because of their attitudes; they're cheaters, gold-diggers, abusers and so forth. It's of course an irony seeing those who are afraid of washing their urine off their pants attempt to screw Mr. Woods! Well, as said above, I can see them failing for always trying to break homes instead of advising the affected people to first try and work things out.

Have they ever considered that if a woman should leave her husband, which is common in America, or a man leave his wife, what is the guarantee the next person they may want to remarry would be better? This isn't to say that people must remain in an abusive or unfaithful relationship until their heads are cut off. No, it's to say people should sit back and think, consider all options and don't jump into conclusion due to peer, societal or especially media pressure. It means you could look at other positive things about this person, try to talk things out even while you understand the reality, which is that people are different and so expectations should be reduced to the minimum. And that people should be allowed to live in their natural environment, knowing that they've rights, some privacy, but also have responsibilities and must be accountable for their actions. The media or other outsiders can't decide family accountability.

Their intrusion, as government tools have destroyed families, making children way-ward and in control. Their collaborative actions with government have filled the society with children that lacks home-training because parents have no control and most parents especially are either single mothers or a father and mother (couple) who hadn't what it takes to authoritatively parent their children and are victims of same system when they're coming up.

Conclusively, those who always push for divorce should see the smartness that is Ambassador Hillary Clinton (and many other strong women and men who have stayed) staying with Bill. She could have left and have nothing to regret, but she is here and have nothing to lose but everything to gain and shame the media and other vain-critics. The media and other intruders(those who have been divorced ones or twice-some friends inclusive-in particular but still hoping to be remarried as if the world is waiting for them alone and already jealous)will not be there to help you all through the way once they've pressured you to vacate your marriage or relationship. Consequently, as we consider divorce or separation as options in failing relationships, working on, and keeping what we already have against struggling with a new one that we aren't even sure of should be paramount on our minds-especially if children are involved. The first thing a divorcee female would tell a friend encountering problems in her marriage is "Girl, you've to be your own person and leave him alone-you can do better by your self because he don't deserve you," so she would join her divorce club where they wouldn't stop looking out for the elephantine or illuscious Mr. Right.

Before this conclusion, did she even have the temerity to ask if her friend is doing something that's contributing to the problems, as it's most times a two-way problems? Or think of other things that could be encouraging her to hold tight and work thing out possibly? Don't get me wrong, divorcee men also give negative advice to their friends without considering all options. It takes two, and two alone to make it work, and things will always work out if determination exist and partners willing to retrace their steps and do new things! From all angles and studies, what's best for the children is when both parents are together to raise and give them the tools to prepare for the times ahead. They're the leaders of tomorrow, we must note.

Loose children due to government invasive policies and media violent methodologies against families would breed loose leadership and a shapeless world. We must therefore take the family back now and inculcate into the children the virtues of not been abusive, cheats and their ills. And that they should take the virtues and don't even think about cheating and abuses, which includes but not limited to men beating the women and  vice versa!