Date Published: 12/28/09

Career with or without husband By Farouk Martins Aresa 

Here comes a grandma advice about how to be a good wife. Be a good cook in the kitchen, the better mother in the house and the best whore in bed. This advice was soundly rejected as we know, except one. She will hire a cook, get a babysitter and be the best whore in bed for her husband. It was an impossible task for today’s super mom. She has to juggle career and home. Many successful men have put career before family. 

Unfortunately only two out of the three advices last forever. A woman can only be the best whore in bed to her husband for so long, not indefinitely. The caring as a mother gets the respect and the loyalty of the children while a good cook keeps a family happy at home. The frequency of hot sexual relations become fewer as they reach a hundred years mark, if they ever live that long. But sex does not have to be traditional, other form of sex, even touching and caressing if adequate for both, can last forever.  

Moreover, women financial contribution at home can be the difference between a face to face rooming house and a flat for the family. In cases where the man has lost his job, the family has to depend on wife’s income until prospect improves. So the amount of contribution by the wife cannot be compared to that in grandma days. A family must adjust to modern and daily situations. 

We all appreciate a very intelligent woman for a wife and daughter these days and it takes education and training to achieve the amount of sophistication demanded in our society. Your wife may be called upon to address some relatives, a conference, or some community. An intelligent woman is fun to be with and may advise you on some pertinent matters in business or social circles as a confidant. 

Most of the super careers require long hours, some time away from home and stopping by Mr. Biggs to get some food on the way back home, because even madam gets tired. Some men are good, they can cook and take care of home while madam is away but none of them do it well, often enough. When they do, they count on it like someone owes them the whole world, waiting for big jara as payback. To ease the burden, two career families need help.  

In order to avoid the problem involved, many wealthy men may decide on a woman to care for children, another to cook his meals and one to present to the world as first lady. Unlike sperm donors who are vagrants, these men take responsibility seriously but may switch the roles of these women if her career demands it. In fact some of the women who usurped the other’s role are usually taught well in advance before getting into it. 

If we also know that the best way to a man’s heart is through his belly, there should be no surprise that the man falls for the lady who cooks for him whether she is the maid or just a friend. Even without sex, there is some appreciation there for the aroma that comes with the food. That is why some young women made up their minds that they will never hire a female maid for anything in the house. 

When men are asked to be honest in blind surveys and asked what their greatest attractions to females were, they have consistently pointed to physical attributes rather than the mental acquisition of women. Men prefer the shape of women’s face, boobs and curves around the hips. These qualities may be related to men’s genetic disposition to procreate with women that can breed and feed their baby for the preservation of life. 

The fact remains that today’s man is confused about his role as the head of the family. There has to be a captain in the ship unless we want to create chaos. Co-captains lag. Men react as human to women who they have sex with, feed them well and take care of the children. Since these roles are no longer played by the same person, the confusion is even greater like that of a blind mouse learning its way through a new maze. It is not an excuse for men to be unfaithful while the woman is trying to help them out. 

We have so many African women who were pioneers in their days and were still able to bring up promising children in a devoted family.  Since the fifties, they were professional role models for all; and mothers in their own rights: accomplishments that were better than that of men. We had educators and later political leaders as Hajiya Gambo Sawaba, Mrs Magaret Ekpo, Mrs. Olufunmilayo Ransome Kuti and ‘Lady Doc’ Dr. Bimbola Awoliyi. We still have Mrs.  Oyibo Ekwulo Odinamadu, Professor Bolande Awe and others. How did they do it: extended family support? That is why our marriage last longer in Africa. 

Many super moms took exceptions to the former Prime Minister of Britain who made it her duty to prepare breakfast for her husband regardless of the official cooks at home. They even cringed when Hilary Clinton decided to follow her husband to Arkansas South of USA, after her graduation as a lawyer with prospect. We also witnessed a highly respectable corporate lawyer who mentored an intern on the job once, and now resigned herself to the traditional role of women, as Mrs. Obama in the White House. 

It is important to note what each of these women had in common. Both Mrs. Thatcher and Mrs. Hilary Clinton devoted themselves to the career of their husbands first before launching their own careers while Mrs. Obama had a corporate career before devoting herself to her husband’s endeavor. Each of them made a choice on when to support their husband careers. Many successful career women just want the opportunity and time for career and time to devote to the family. The reason some have children later. 

It seems to boil down to where we started from that it is very difficult for a super dad and a super mom to hold down a family together without neglecting each other for their careers. Who should devote him or herself to the other depends on individual family situation instead of the vogue in time. This has led to break-ups in many families blaming one another for eventualities.