A Diplomat’s Baggage

She is blessed with good looks and natural health. She is even skilful at being tactful and saying and doing things that do not offend people. But her only deformity is that her arm is longer than her thigh. She is a diplomat, an African diplomat to the core. She is brilliant no doubt otherwise she wouldn’t have gotten to the position to represent her country. Even if she had gotten there through lobby or bottom power, she is still brainy. Such is the way I always like to fantasise her.

Perhaps she could have directed her intelligence and beauty to serving her country well if her country had helped her grow in that direction. She rose to become a symbol of her baggage. When you see her, you do not need to visit her country before judging rightly the state of things there. But we shouldn’t cast aspersions on her, for it isn’t her fault. If the country she represents lacks foresight, it’ll be unfair to expect her to have inner perspective for the implementation of the very thing why she’s a diplomat.

We shouldn’t defend her hustle and bustle actions either. This diplomat loves her family so much that she’d do everything within her power to transport or siphon them abroad. In her view, it doesn’t matter even if she has to send her relatives abroad as a check-in luggage. For her, the end justifies the means. She’s fulfilled as long as her relatives benefit from her position as a diplomat. Let them leave a country that exists without or with very little hope. After all, we are in the era of neo-colonialism and her Excellency does not want to fail in this regard.

But why is she always confused whenever she reaches the host country? Is it culture shock? Is it inferiority complex? Is it ineptitude? Why does she always keep quiet even when her compatriots are being maltreated or killed? Does her silence in almost every issue an indication of her deformity? Is she afraid of being mocked? Even if her arm is longer than her thigh, she’s still beautiful; she’s still blessed with unconventional beauty. Perhaps she needs constant complimentary remark to boost her confidence.

How could we help her in this regard? We should always remind her that white-water rafting is not for the timid. Let her know that her compatriots expect a lot from her. Let her know that she could use her own initiatives within the context of diplomacy. Let us remind her that she could turn things around as someone with good looks and intelligence – her deformity notwithstanding. But let us also tell her that we know she’s operating within a rotten system that allows her to be rotten. We want to be fair to her.

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There’s something she should know and I trust she’s reading this message. Let us use this occasion to bring to her notice what her people think of her. When you ask those in the Diaspora what they think of her Excellency, the usual reply is this: “Ah, na madam you dey talk about? Madam comes here to enrich her pocket abi na purse? I beg make una leave Madam…Na her time o. Abi no be what all of dem dey do? Stealing and Smiling and Styling”.

Is she desperate or frustrated? There are two unconfirmed rumours. That at the time civil war broke out in her country and she was undergoing some financial crisis, she willingly gave her diplomatic passport to traffickers. Another one has it that a compatriot went to the embassy to discuss possible business with her Excellency. The answer, according to the rumour, shocked the young man who had hope that his expertise would benefit his country. The Madam had quipped: “wetin go be my own share?”

She does not reach out to her people, even in this age of global communication. She is lacking behind in providing useful information. Perhaps she thinks everyone is a hustler. This is interesting because her people also think she’s a hustler masquerading under diplomatic immunity. They would joke that she’s like the African tourist who decides to live permanently in Europe. Is that why she keeps silent on every issue affecting her compatriots in the host country? Is that why her presence is like being absent? Does she know what her job entail?

As a result of her strong silence, her hosts do not trust her intentions thereby they often subject her to a thorough search whenever she passes through their borders. They check her letters or packages despite her diplomatic status, yet she maintains her silence. For her, a diplomat – a real diplomat – shouldn’t say or do things that offend people. But why is she behaving like mumu despite her intelligence? Does she have skeleton under her skirt?

She may even think thus: why should I protect a people whose own government does not give a damn about their welfare or human rights. It actually doesn't matter to her what the constitution specifically regulates as her duty. She might add: if nothing works where they come from, why should anything be different at their mission abroad. What a mind devoid of hypocrisy. How could we blame this pretty woman for ineptitude or greed when those who sent her on a mission abroad appear to be the master of corruption and racketeering!

Perhaps she really wants to serve but for the pressure from relationships back home. As a diplomat, the expectation from her family might be too strong than what she could resist. They want her to bring all the cars and other materialistic things in her host country for their own enjoyment. Since she wouldn’t want to disappoint them, she might be forced to collude with her subordinate who understands her host country’s language to manipulate receipts for a wasted or phoney trip. She might even naively transact business with 419ers or conmen. She loves the expression: wetin go be my own share?

By Hakeem Babalola

Copyright 2008 mysmallvoice@yahoo.com