Surname: Why Not Mother’s Name?

In any ancient African family where there is no male child, that family will be disturbed, feels bereft of human beings, even if all the female children there are notable people in the society. This contemptuous act shown the female child is caused by the fact or gullible tradition that detest women from inheriting in their father’s property, as the male children do, after the man demise.

Every year, the African father, especially the Christian, celebrates what is called ‘Fathers Day’. But, not all fathers are fathers, some are husbands. An African father feels that when the female child inherits in his property, she would prosper the going-to-be husband with it. He feels that training the girl-child is useless to him, but for the benefit of whom the child shall call her husband tomorrow. What a primordial sense!

This is a child he flogs; sends massage the same manner he does the male child. This is a child that calls him by, father. This is the girl who was not asked to shy away from certain works in the family because she is a woman. Yet, he could not father her, but only to erase her name and deny her from the family shares because of tradition. He only calls her, my daughter, but when it comes to training her or inheriting in his property, the male-child is brought in the front. What a bizarre!

Whereas, in many homes today, it is the girl-child that spearheads the family financially, even from her matrimonial home, she does not man or mind only the problems besetting her immediate family, but the problems in her father’s house becomes the fore in her priorities. She supports the family in no less ways, to see that she maintains her root, which only takes her as titular, while the male-child that is held in high esteem turns a criminal, a prodigal son, a hooligan and all that contemptuous person, all the favours goes to him because he is a man, because (he came from the heaven and not from the earth). What confusion! 

This girl-child begins another phase of labour in her matrimonial home, working to please her husband. Swallowing all forms of debases on the human integrity so that she will not be driven away by Apostle Peter, because she remembers that at home, she has no ‘room’. She begins to compromise with the greed of the man’s nature: many concubines he keeps out of matrimony, how many bottles of beer he drinks, people he dashes money, while at home, the girl-child is in melancholy.

While the man illumines in marriage, the woman dies slowly in it. Because, it is a man’s world? She goes to work in the morning, like the man, only to leave office before the office closes for home to cook for the man. She washes in the house and still carries her crest at hand, not knowing if she had pleased Mr. Right so much if he comes back.

Mr. Right would not appreciate this woman for her immensely efforts to the welfare of the family, but would begin to nag, where is my food? Why is sand on the floor of the room? Here smells! Why did you not do this? Why did you not do that? Not minding, the amiable woman would go put right all the things he had ordinanced and goes back to the kitchen. While the man bedstrides in the sitting room watching television, as if he had worked more than a Bulldozer at workplace. Confusion!

The woman begins to prepare the children for dinner, for sleep, by washing them, by organizing them, by making sure that they are secured, while Mr. Right would be fast snoring in deep sleep in the sitting room. The woman won’t still ignore him, she would go wake Mr. Right de puppet who at every minute wants to be petted, to come and take his bath, be composed for the night sleep.

While sleeping, Mr. Right does not want to know what happens to the children, it is the duty of the woman. Paraventure any cries, he would wake up and begins to scold, “Woman! You and your children are disturbing me!” He might leave the room for them to seek for comfort elsewhere.

After battling with this in the night, the woman wakes before Mr. Right for the morning chores. She would wash the plates used for eating the night before, prepare the children for school or something, and even comes to prepare Mr. Right de puppet to take his bath, eat and dress him for his office. Yet, Mr. Right will not say “thank you” to the woman. What women see in the world is much, and it’s only God that knows why it is so.

When the children need maximum care and training of the man, he would not be available. He would use intimidation, sizing them with their other peers and all negative talks on the children. And when they remember that dad is rigid, a nagger, they won’t go again tell him what his responsibilities are, thereby resulting to the man shying away from his responsibilities. It is still this woman that the children would run or turn to. God bless amiable Mama!

The woman would not hound them to go meet their father, rather she might sell her invaluable to making sure that the children are trained, not even minding that they are not bearing her name, no even minding that if she dies, no body remembers her name but the man’s.

The man’s paramount happiness in life for shying away from his responsibilities is that his relations have seen that he has paid his duty, at least, by marrying and bringing the hapless children he can not carter for into the earth. He goes from one beer parlour to another drinking to stupor. The man has no blame and should not be blamed, but the society that see any man who is not married as an efulefu (a fool).

When the woman must have finished suffering in training the children and God blesses them and they are rich, Mr. Right comes back to claim ownership as their father. And if the children wants to do anything funny at him, the amiable Mama would say, k” he is your father! Help him. I am only helping him…don’t be wicked to him…” God bless amiable Mama! The children will forgive because the woman (who cannot stop loving them) has spoken.

When the woman is pregnant for this man, he has no respect for her. He goes to chase other ‘fresh’ girls outside matrimony. He leaves the woman to solely bear the punishment his amorous libido had caused. The woman begins to carry the foetus happily. She does not leave her home chores, she still does them. She carries this for a period of nine months, while the man practices his usual infidelity. But assuming he was the woman, the whole world would hear of it.

When the woman goes to the labour room, it is another experience. She begins to call Jesus Christ. If that does not work, she begins to call Jehovah. These and more suffering the woman bears only for the man to have a name and pedigree. Why not the mother’s name?

Last Note: The author of this article did not mean feminism here, just for discourse.

 

Odimegwu Onwumere

Oyigbo, Rivers State.

08032552855