Wikipedia defines love as a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes that ranges from inter-personal affection to pleasure. In another angle, love could mean an emotion or a strong attraction and personal attachment; a virtue representing human kindness, compassion and affectionate actions towards other humans or oneself. The logic of love actually stands on different schools of thought. Thus, making it undesirable to affirm a view as general standpoint. Else, one commits a fallacy called fallacy of hasty generalization. Nonetheless, love still has conspicuous elements or components. These elements entail feeling, attitude, affection, pleasure, emotion, attraction, attachment, kindness, compassion, action, and interest.
In essence, love is impregnated with conflicting issues. So, also, opinions on love are multi-dimensional in nature. Some aired views had opined love to be a feeling. Others had believed it is a mere action. Yet still, another belief holds that love is a combo of feeling and action. It has to be felt from within before it can be manifested in our deeds, so they had argued. Also, the actions which twigs from that feeling called love are such like affection (care), kindness, compassion, giving and joy. The other components, just as this writer elucidated above, (attitude, pleasure, emotion, attraction, attachment and interest) are naming words which ultimately (directly or indirectly) describes the physiognomies of love. According to the Greeks, Wikipedia had buttressed too, there are four types of love. This writer discusses these forms of love in subsequent lines.
Agape love (God-like or unconditional love)
The bible sees love as a sacrifice. “For God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten son… (John 3:16). Here, love was proven by an act of sacrifice through Jesus Christ. This is the kind of love God demands from husbands to their wives. God has commanded, ‘Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it (Eph. 5:25). Christ actually laid down his whole life for the remission of man’s sins. Besides, Christ is the incomparable lover whose love for us (humanity) is inexhaustible. In other words, taking responsibility for the sins of the one whom you love is an act expected of husbands to their wives as an act of love. Yes, love is capital intensive and it invokes responsibility; both the actions or inactions of oneself and /or others.
God’s type of love is not a respecter of conditions. God is the image of Agape love. He (had) loved the sinners and saints, saved and unsaved, poor and rich, servants and masters. In natural life, perhaps due to human nature, beings tend to love those who had loved them in return. However, the element of God’s love is crystal and simple. It is loving all and sundry unconditionally (without stringent demands). It doesn’t expect any recompense. It is symbiotic in nature. The biblical chapters of Songs of Solomon pinpoints to the practicality of love, commitment and the incomparable love of God.
Family love
On January 22, 2016, The Punch published an article titled, ‘Rape: Let the sleeping family wake up’. The writer had observed that: “The fundamental source of love is the family. It is the family that should first provide (not the society) her affiliates with fortification, esprit de corps, refuge and socialization”. This love creates bond of affection between siblings or members of a nuclear or extended family. Even when passion and desire differs, the strong bond of affection are protected for “family” sake. Erstwhile President Abraham Lincoln, the sixteenth (16th) president of the United States had said in a speech, “we are not enemies but friends; we must not be enemies. Though passion may differ, it must not break our bond of affection”. That is the family spirit. Families outside families are formed. Family love grows when there is togetherness and unity of purpose.
Philia love (Love between friends)
This is also known as Platonic love. It is a love free from sexual desire (no strings attached). This concept was developed by Aristotle, the Greek Philosopher. This love upholds loyalty in full course and motivated by practical reasons.
Eros- sexual love
This love is christened as infatuation. It is the love in flagrante delicto (in the heat of a crime). It is a kind of strong desire for someone mostly impregnated with lust. This love is like a fire that burns for a while and goes off after a while. Teenagers and youths are envoys of this kind of love; ‘love of the body’ aroused by beauty (physical attraction). Even adults play the game. A glance into the contemporary society had labelled man and its Centre of attraction as puppy in nature. However, this feeling or state is never entirely the same for everybody. To some, it is like a two edged sword characterized by joy and pain. Does “love” come with terrible pains too just like deep wounds do? Shouldn’t the fun attached to this brat ardour quench the pain of love, if any? However, one thing is true, un-reciprocated love causes pain. For illustration, it is a fact that the death of a loved one will surely cause some pain and deep sorrow. In the same vein, when someone you love offends or hurts you (which is unavoidable), it brings pain. Little wonder so many people seem to be scared of this feeling of affinity; because it could bring as much pain as gain. Should we then stay away from “love”, remaining in our shells, just because it stings, hurts and aches?
The persuasive benefit of a vehicle or piece of gadget may not be known until the manual becomes a friend to the buyer. Conversely, such machine could become an ‘headache’ if the manual (a book that contains a detailed information about the operation of a machine or otherwise) is underrated. I dare say, love is like a manual. It is impregnated with instructions, precautionary or preventive and predictive measures. Here are a few guidelines that must be kept for anyone who cares about the “other” side of love.
One, trust. Trust is key to any (symbiotic) relationship. It is the risk taken in spite of probable and past hurts or pain. Two, forgive no matter how grave the offence. In fact, anyone that doesn’t have the capacity to forgive should never consider embarking on the adventure of love. Three, communicate your heart. Never assume. Do not keep many secrets and also express how you feel about a particular issue with words (not actions or reactions). Four, Respect one another’s opinions or values and never try to force your opinion on another person’s. Five, listen and empathize with others. Do not be selfish because selfishness is a cankerworm that can destroy the growth of love.
Love is very crucial to the peaceful co-existence of any society. Love covers many wrong and ineptitude. Imagine a world where true love exists among its flesh and blood. Imagine a home, school, workplace, society or community, state or nation, church, mosque or any religious or secular organization where love exists. In such climes and associations, there won’t be “much” need to worry about cases such as ethnic bigotry, tribalism, sectarian crisis, and all forms of unethical violence.
Ethically, “love” would do a lot in healing the many “wounds” that befalls our (any) society, if properly applied. This feat can only be achieved if love is taught, shown and practiced in the foundation of every society (the home).
Ajetomobi Opeyemi, a recent graduate of English Studies from the Obafemi Awolowo University, Ile-Ife wrote in from Kwara state. She can be reached on: ajetomobiopeyemi268@gmail.com